Labor Day is Lonely

Normally, one looks forward to any holiday involving an extended weekend with excitement and anticipation. A military spouse with a deployed husband can't help but look at them with dread. Weekends are the hardest, because that's when they're supposed to be home. I try and plan fun activities and outings for Avery and I to help pass the time, but give me a 4 day weekend and I'm stumped. Sure, it should be like any other day to us, except that we see others getting together with family and friends while we are far away from ours. Avery and I could smell the bbq as we walked and rode our bike through the neighborhood...operating the grill for one hardly seems worth the effort (truth be told, Phil is the only one that uses our grill), and I rack my brain for what would be good even after going through the food chopper for Avery. Thank God for Sams; last night it was microwave pasta (not half bad), and tonight I throw some tilapia filets in the oven. Even Avery liked it.

I often stop myself before openly complaining about military life. There are so many who have it harder, I explain. He's only gone for a couple of months, I tell them. Though these are both true, and I am extremely grateful for my husband's job (it allows me to stay home with my son, fantastic insurance, relative job security...not to mention he loves to fly and is very good at his job), this weekend is just one of many times when I wish things were different. I miss my husband. I miss my family. I miss my friends who I've left behind or who have taken new assignments and moved on themselves. 13+ hours a day is a long time to be alone with Avery (and the dog). I feel like I do a good job of giving medicine/breathing treatments, getting outside, getting exercise, playing games...and then it's only 10 am. 9 more hours to go. I like the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. I am in need of a village. I am a people person without enough people.

I am a lot to blame in this scenario. We picked a church that was too big to really get to know people. I feel like it's too late to switch now...too late to try and form relationships with an impending move on the horizon. The same goes for my neighbors. I made cookies, tried to be friendly... even explaining that we are military (hoping to elicit at least a sympathy vote and an invitation for dinner or dessert). I guess I didn't try hard enough. They don't know us enough to even realize he's gone, much less ask how we are coping without him. I will do better our next assignment, I tell myself. I will invite neighbors over for dinner. I will stop by and say hello. Lastly, I should be more involved. I should volunteer and meet people while helping others. I really miss this in my life right now, but I've let having/taking care of an (often sick) baby keep me from taking on many commitments. Once again, as soon as we move I will look for ways to help in the community, I remind myself. Now, if only we'd just get our assignment.

I am so very thankful for my sweet husband and all the wonderful people in our lives. I am thankful for the modern conveniences of cell phones and internet, which make communicating with loved ones so much easier. I am grateful for a heavenly father, who with Him I will never be truly all alone. It's bedtime, and tomorrow is Monday (I actually look forward to these when Phil's gone!). We've made it through another day, much like the day before, and likely to look a lot like tomorrow, too. Soon our little family will be back together again. My "village" will be bigger and my load lighter. Only 16 more days to go, but who's counting... :)